


Drugs and White Lace

by bitterhoney (hwanxiao)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION, WEi (Korea Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: A lot of kpop references like vlive and shit, Angst, Canon Compliant (?), Dongyeol’s a hurricane of emotion, Dongyeol’s kinda a vixen, Drugs mentioned as a comparison to their relationship, Finally me keeping up with all the groups come in handy, Hanse x Xiao mentioned/implied slightly, Like soft smut but there’s a lot of nsfw mentioned, M/M, Probably a sprinkle of abandonment issues in there too, There’s a bit of soft flirting and fluff at the start but it all goes down hill from there, Top!Yohan, Yohan shifting groups from X1 to Wei is implied lightly, Yohan’s a hopeless romantic, a lot of behind the scenes flirting, again I repeat TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, alcohol mentioned, bottom!xiao, commitment issues, friends with benefits but they’re not technically friends, just a lot of angst, since this is gonna look confusing in the searches it’s up10 xiao x yohan wei, trigger warning ; toxic relationships, very heavily nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:48:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28399470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwanxiao/pseuds/bitterhoney
Summary: Dongyeol was addicting—his touch, his scent was alluring in every way possible. And even if this relationship was bound to kill them, they couldn’t keep away from allowing this wreck to come crashing down in a beautiful mess of white lies and white bedsheets.Xiao UP10TION x Kim Yohan WEi/X1
Relationships: Lee Dongyeol | Xiao/Kim Yohan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Drugs and White Lace

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been planning this fic in my head since forever but I finally got the time to write it. Shoutouts to my beta reader @nfflying on twt for fixing my illiterate ass. Anyways this fic was mostly made to satisfy my own yoxiao cravings <\3 no one else sees this as a cute ship? I mean the dynamics r just *chef kisses*. Anyways I hope u enjoy the fic I guess. Though I don’t think anyone will read this jeosjwks

It was currently late in the afternoon, judging from the harsh sunlight that shone through the small windows of Yohan’s old apartment, one he bought before even entering the K-Pop industry. He usually won’t use it unless to store his belongings or to have a quick nap between hectic schedules but this was a special occasion. The occasion being to please the youngest member of UP10TION who was now snuggled peacefully on his chest.

Dongyeol had complained that he couldn’t bear to hang out with Yohan in his dorm that consists of six members that are constantly screaming—and Yohan couldn’t bear his members teasing whenever he would bring Dongyeol around to Wei’s dorm, so his old apartment in the middle of Seoul was the only option left, since Dongyeol didn’t have any estate in Seoul, considering his hometown was far off in Busan.

He wanted to laugh at the relationship they had. They weren’t dating, as he learned that Dongyeol would’ve never allowed that. The older would cringe at even the small mention of ever settling down. They weren’t friends, too many differences and traumatic incidences preventing them from ever having a nice platonic relationship. What they had was like a drug,  _ addictive and intoxicating _ as Yohan couldn’t seem to pull away no matter how hard he tried to. Dongyeol was beautiful, porcelain-like skin contrasted his dark black hair that draped over sharp cat-like features. Deep brown eyes that Yohan could never read and plush red lips that Yohan had grown too used to kissing. 

Lee Dongyeol was just that, like hard drugs wrapped in white lacing. 

They were alike in so many ways, but at the same time, they were so different. Maybe that’s why they’d always run back to each other no matter how much pain it inflicted on both of them.

Dongyeol’s inability to ever commit crashing with Yohan’s hopeless romantics. They both tear each other down with each kiss, each touch, each fuck—knowing they’ll never be each other’s endgame.

Sometimes Yohan regretted ever starting this relationship to begin with: those times where he cries silently inside his room after fighting with Dongyeol, those times where he knew— _ thought _ Dongyeol would be dealing with the fight much better than him. Then the amount of times he realizes again and again that he doesn’t know Dongyeol. Maybe he was able to map the older’s body perfectly by memory, but in the end, he had no idea how or what Dongyeol thinks. 

At the start, it was just friendly flirting. Stolen glances behind music shows, small talks, and teasing when Dongyeol would come around to visit Wooseok. Dongyeol would joke about how he’s flirting with the enemy, and Yohan would laugh in return. It wasn’t true of course, they had no bad feelings for each other, no reason to resent one another.

Yohan debuted young and needed guidance, gripping on to everyone who was willing to help him. Dongyeol was one of the few who threw him a life jacket, pulled him up from drowning completely. Dongyeol had helped him adjust to the idol life, giving him tips here and there from his personal experience. It was funny, since Dongyeol was only a year older but he was a senior to Yohan by five years. He was already so experienced and professional that sometimes it gave the younger chills.

It was easy to tell Dongyeol had been through a lot but the older wasn’t the kind to admit defeat or show weakness.  _ It seemed to be a group trait, _ since he saw the same spark in Wooseok and Jinhyuk. The stubbornness to fight even if the world was against them. Yohan always admired their passion.

The first time anything initiated between them wasn’t as sweet as Yohan would have imagined. They had an overlapping schedule at a music show. At first it was the usual blushing and glances, but something seemed to hit Dongyeol after their performances were done. The older dragged him into an empty storage room inside the building and locked the door as Yohan followed willingly—leaving his members behind to search for him. Yohan remembered Dongyeol’s expression that day perfectly: eyes red as tears streamed down his cheeks, mouth twisted into a sad smile. To be completely honest, Yohan thought Dongyeol was going to kill him right there and then but the truth was the complete opposite.

“I’m attractive aren’t I? T-That’s all I’ll ever be fucking good for isn’t it?” Dongyeol choked out through sobs. “Just something to look at, just something to stay the night for. Nothing I think matters right? Because no one fucking cares!” The older, despite being shorter than Yohan—pushes him against the wall, trapping Yohan in this swirl of sadness. “And you’re not different from anyone else aren’t you? I’m just pretty enough to fuck but too broken to actually fucking love, aren’t I?” Dongyeol sobs made Yohan’s heart clench.

Dongyeol was like a whirling hurricane, dangerous and deadly, but it was impossible to look away from the spiraling eventual mess.

He knows Dongyeol was angry at someone else, Yohan just currently being his emotional outlet, but he couldn’t help himself from wrapping a protective arm around Dongyeol’s thin shoulders. He didn’t dare say a word, afraid he’ll trigger another emotional outbreak from the older. Dongyeol relaxes into the hug, shoulders shaking as he sobs into Yohan’s chest. 

Lee Dongyeol was broken, so beautifully broken.

“You probably think I’m pathetic don’t you?” Dongyeol sighs, lifting tired eyes to make eye contact with Yohan, arms hanging at his side like the world was weighing him down.

“No,” Yohan answers shortly, running his hand through Dongyeol’s dark bangs as the older looks up to him with teary eyes. “I think you’re exquisite Dongyeol.”

He received a scoff from the other. “You’re the only person to think that,” he says with no real bite.

“I’m sure your members think the same.” The mention of his friends seemed to calm Dongyeol down, as he saw the older’s shoulder visibly drop into Yohan’s grasp.

“That’s a different story, they’re… my friends; they’ll do everything to make me feel better. Sometimes I just need a hit of reality,” Dongyeol says, a small smile tugging on his lips. That explained why he came running to Yohan rather than his members, he wanted honesty. Mayhaps Yohan understood that.

“We’re not friends; you won’t be scared to hurt me.” 

Yohan wanted to retort, but he just bunched his eyebrows in confusion, “What are you insinuating?” 

“Hang out with me for a bit; this is my last schedule for the week. We can go out.” None of those sentences had any correlation with each other, but Yohan didn’t care to dig. He also remembered that even if this  _ was _ Dongyeol’s last schedule for the week, it definitely wasn’t Yohan’s, and from the vibration of his phone he knew he was already in deep trouble for disappearing.

But the look of desperation on Dongyeol’s face made it worth risking everything. 

“You know what scandal that would cause, right?” Yohan teased, a grin on his face.

“If they’re lucky they’ll get a sex tape out of it too,” Dongyeol chuckles but stops instantly when he sees Yohan’s face drop.

“Did I go too far?” The older pouts, pulling himself a distance away from Yohan but the younger holds him in place.

“No, no, it was just your whole ordeal earlier. I-“

“I’ll be fine Yohan.” He knows Dongyeol won’t be fine. Dongyeol’s cheeks and nose were still splotched red from crying earlier, but Dongyeol was acting as if years have already passed. 

“I’ll get over it,” Dongyeol repeats, moving his hand to cup Yohan’s face. The younger was practically melting into the touch. Dongyeol was obviously lying, but he didn’t want to push. It was clear that Dongyeol was hurting and wanted a distraction.

Yohan hums in reply as he pulls out his phone, sending Seungwoo a short text. “Out with Xiao UP10, I’ll find a way back myself,” not being brave enough to see what Seungwoo was going to text back. He already knew he wasn’t going to hear the end of the older members’ scolding. Wooseok was the most terrifying out of all of them but he  _ was  _ taking care of Dongyeol, so Seok couldn’t be too mad about that. God, the situation gave him a headache.

Dongyeol leers over at Yohan’s phone. “You used my stage name, cute. Though Seungwoo hyung knows me. You didn’t need to.” He says but Yohan wasn’t paying attention; he was more caught up at how close they currently were, practically feeling Dongyeol’s breath over his chest. A shiver ran down his spine. 

“Your hands are shaking Yohan,” Dongyeol coos. 

“I’m new to this,” Yohan says. 

“To flirting?” 

“No, flirting while being in this line of work.” 

“It’s more common than you think.” Again, it was back to Dongyeol teaching Yohan about being in the spotlight, the look of a screaming, crying, insecure teenager from earlier evaporating into the past. “Why do you think Seungwoo knows me?” 

Yohan makes a face, “You flirted with him?”

“No, idiot. I meant one of his members.” Dongyeol says, slapping Yohan’s shoulder softly.

“Ah, sorry,” Yohan couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdness of the whole situation.

What happened next was a blur in Yohan’s mind: flashing lights hooded with black masks and hoodies. Dongyeol laughing about how it’s been awhile since he actually had to be this careful about being spotted, and Yohan seeming terrified at everyone who walked past. Somewhere along the road, they were both high off endorphins and hormones as they stumbled into Yohan’s abandoned apartment, lips crashing into each other as soon as the door clicked close behind them. Though neither one of them had any alcohol in their system, just the situation itself was enough to make their brains fuzzy. Yohan’s nails dig into Dongyeol’s waist as they both stumble around in the half empty apartment. The smaller boy panting into the crook of Yohan’s neck as he restrains himself from nipping down and leaving a mark. But Yohan didn’t seem to realize that, as Dongyeol was sure there would be crescent shaped scars on his waist the next morning. It wasn’t anywhere obvious though, so Dongyeol ignored this consciousness just for the bit of pleasure that the pain brought him.

That somehow became a normal occasion for both of them: meeting up to ignore the world outside for just a bit. Small stolen hours filled with rough sex and sometimes liquor shared between the two men. Yohan had learned through the past few months that Dongyeol had a high sex drive, and not only that, the older boy seemed to love calling him up when he’s angry or frustrated. Yohan called Dongyeol up when he felt detached or when he needed something to grip on to. Even if Dongyeol wasn’t that strong of an anchor—as the older boy was only two steps away from breaking completely—it was still something. They didn’t have to care for each other’s feelings; they didn’t have to care if they’d anger the other if they called up at 3 in the morning. 

They didn’t have to, but it didn’t stop them from doing exactly that. 

The moment right now was no different, Dongyeol seemed to have gone into another hurricane as he arrived at their usual place with fury in his usual soft brown eyes.

It didn’t take long until Dongyeol was pressing Yohan against the wall; hands tugging at his sweatpants aggressively as his other hand tugged at Yohan’s hair.

“Is something wrong?” Yohan asked the older boy between groans and kisses as their tongues clashed with one another; he had no idea how he managed to even form a coherent sentence, but Dongyeol just makes miracles happen, he guessed

“Just shut up and fuck me, Kim Yohan,” Dongyeol snaps, pulling him into another kiss before Yohan could even reply. Their mouths clashing with need as Dongyeol’s tongue roamed the inside of Yohan’s warm tavern—Yohan willingly let the older boy take dominance. He was way bigger than Dongyeol and he could flip their position right then and there, but it was insanely intoxicating to let the older take control. 

Just when he thought Dongyeol was going to give him time to breathe, the smaller boy bites down on his lower lip so hard that it draws blood, their kiss now turning bitter from Yohan’s blood as Dongyeol laps at the wound with his tongue, nipping and sucking until the blood was dry. Dongyeol giggles at his own action.

Yohan couldn’t help but smile in adoration, as it was the first time Dongyeol has smiled since he stepped foot into the apartment. Call him lovestruck, but he was content with making Dongyeol happy, even just for a little bit.

After their long session which started at 10 in the morning, Yohan assumed that it was at least a bit past twelve at the current moment. Dongyeol was draped over his chest, his pale back reflecting the sunlight into the perfect curves of his bones as he drew lazy circles on Yohan’s stomach; Dongyeol’s cheek pressed close against his chest.

Yohan pulled the older boy closer, scared that Dongyeol would be cold since his bare back was outside the covers. 

Everything running down from Dongyeol’s thin neck to waist was unmarked; not a single bruise or scratch mark could be seen. It was something they silently agreed on after the first time of hooking up. Neither of them could risk being seen with a scratch mark on their back or god forbid a hickey. 

The amount of times Yohan had to resist himself from biting down on Dongyeol’s neck or shoulder was uncountable. The only proof that anything happened between them was marked in between Dongyeol’s thighs or lower waist. He almost pitied Dongyeol for not being able to grip onto his arm or back while they were having sex since it would risk leaving scratch marks. But at the same time, Dongyeol almost tore up his bedsheets single handedly with his nails, so maybe he was lucky his back was still intact. 

The amount of self control they both had was impeccable. For Yohan, not slamming into Dongyeol so hard he won’t be able to walk the next day, and for Dongyeol, not tearing Yohan’s skin to shreds with his nails or teeth. Though Yohan liked the sound of Dongyeol’s moans and whimpers, he was also amazed at how quiet the older could be while looking half fucked into the heavens.

But now he looked completely peaceful and harmless laying there, chest heaving up and down in rhythm. The younger sighs as his phone vibrates on the bedside table. It had to be the third time the alarm to go off (which Yohan, to be completely honest, had no idea what it was for at this point), but at the first ring, he was balls deep in Dongyeol and he couldn’t care less even if the world was going to end.

“You should probably check what it is, for all we know you could’ve accidentally turned on Vlive.” Dongyeol jokes as if that wasn’t the worst outcome it could be. Having RUi’s hear his and Dongyeol’s combined moans weren’t exactly ideal, especially this early in his career.

“Yeah, yeah,” Yohan says dismissively, hoping it wasn’t Seokhwa calling because he couldn’t bear a scolding right now or god forbid it was Donghan and his teasing.

He reaches to retrieve his phone, making sure to not disturb the boy laying on his chest who is currently staring at him with doe eyes. 

The notification sent a sense of panic throughout Yohan’s body as he tenses. Dongyeol seems to have noticed his reaction as the older leans in, trying to look at Yohan’s phone. His face scrunched up in worry. 

“What’s wrong?” Dongyeol asks, gripping on to the bedsheets like a lifeline. 

“I have a schedule in three hours.” Yohan says; he was excited for it, of course, but at the same time he didn’t want to leave Dongyeol’s side, especially now after they just hooked up and Dongyeol was still unable to walk without his legs shaking.

“Pity, I don’t have any.” Dongyeol says flatly, a tiny hint of spite in his voice. Yohan heaved a sigh. He could feel the tiny tension starting to grow between them. 

This happened a lot: Yohan having to leave early because of a schedule while Dongyeol was left empty. He couldn’t go back to his group instantly—he could barely walk right, much less catch a damn cab or taxi—so Dongyeol really relied on Yohan’s aftercare, though the younger wasn’t able to give him that often. Most of the time it was just him laying in Yohan’s empty apartment, feeling like shit. It wasn’t Yohan’s fault, but Dongyeol couldn’t help but feel desolate.

Dongyeol was never the type to beg, but just this once, he needed Yohan by his side so badly. 

“Please stay, just for a few more minutes. We can deal with the consequences later. Just lay with me for a bit. Ignore the world for awhile.”

It was selfish to ask for Yohan to stay when he had his work, members, and fans to get to, but he needed Yohan too. Or else he wasn’t sure if he could keep himself from breaking down again.

“Stay, just for this once,” Dongyeol says, he sounded so desperate that Yohan didn’t have the heart to reject him, slumping back into the bed against Dongyeol.

“Twenty more minutes,” Yohan says, pinching Dongyeol’s cheek in adoration. 

Any normal couple would say ‘ _I love you_ ’ at this given chance, but they weren’t normal, their situation was way too destructive to call love. Yohan was convinced that he was addicted to Dongyeol, his soft peach scent and dark eyes pulling him in like a whirlpool. 

It was obvious from the start that this isn’t going to have a happy ending, but neither of them could seem to care about the future when they were so drunk on each other.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
